my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
