this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
