Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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