Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
