Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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