I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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