I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
