He is an equal opportunity slut.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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