Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you told grandpa to call you daddy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
