i permit you to call me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
