I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
