ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
