we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
