I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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