it hurts more in the daytime
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
