He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
