My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
