Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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