why didn't you poke me back
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
