it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
