"it" just moved
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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