Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
