exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i out mim tonsoeep
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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