They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
