my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
