mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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