I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need a beard to bite.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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