I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
