So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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