tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
