We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
