My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
