Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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