Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
