Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
