Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
