he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
