I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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