He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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