I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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