Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
