He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
