That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think my mom watched the whole time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
