if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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