I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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