I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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