i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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