I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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