god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am one with the molecules
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
