I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
